She Comes First Summary (P2 C21): The Play Process

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Cunnilingus is often seen as just foreplay—something that happens early on, before the “real” action starts. But that view misses the mark.

Jumping straight into direct clitoral stimulation early in a sexual encounter can actually be counterproductive. The clitoris, like any other erogenous zone, responds best when arousal is built up slowly and intentionally. Rushing in can overwhelm or even desensitize.

That’s why cunnilingus shouldn’t be treated as a warm-up act—it should be the main event.

Think of sex in three acts: foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay.

• Foreplay sets the stage—building anticipation through touch, kissing, and teasing.

• Coreplay is where cunnilingus takes center stage. This is the moment of peak erotic connection, and cunnilingus, done thoughtfully and attentively, delivers that.

• Moreplay comes after climax. Unlike men, who typically experience a quick refractory period, women often need a gentler transition back to baseline arousal. This is where aftercare, cuddling, gentle touch, or continued intimate connection comes in.

Viewing cunnilingus as coreplay—not just a lead-in—shifts the dynamic. It centers female pleasure and acknowledges that sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all sequence. Every stage has its place, but none should be rushed or overlooked.

When we rethink the flow, we open up space for deeper connection, more satisfaction, and better sex—for everyone involved.

Read the next chapter here.

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